Day 18 (2008-07-18): Monday and Friday

Today I was feeling down. I didn’t really notice until towards the end of the day. Kind of like a sadness, a low energy, a “who cares?” attitude.

It was a long week, I didn’t sleep well on any given night, so I was tired. And I think there was some grieving energy that needed to be released, too. There have been some changes in my life recently, and I think there’s still some letting go that is happening.

Also, I realized this week how important my Mondays and Fridays are to me. I tend to group my coaching calls with clients on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. This gives me Monday and Friday to work on project-type work that requires bigger chunks of time and focus. What I realized this week (because I was traveling on Monday) is how important both days are to my energy and feeling of momentum.

A productive Monday starts my week off strong. I feel good going into Tuesday knowing that I’ve accomplished so many important things already. And a productive Friday closes my week off strong. I feel good taking the weekend off for rest and rejuvenation.

This week, I didn’t have my productive Monday and instead of accepting that and being present to that reality, I resisted and tried to squeeze in my Monday all week long. So although it was a tough week, I’m happy I’m now conscious of all of this. Now I can set up boundaries (for myself and others) to protect Mondays and Fridays; and I can adjust my expectations and intentions in weeks when Monday or Friday isn’t available to me for project work.

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Day 88 (2008-02-22): WTF? (Being vs. doing)

Yesterday, I was working at my desk, writing some emails or doing some paperwork or something (it’s a blur), and suddenly, out of frustration, I said out loud, “What the f**k am I doing?”

I think it’s important to look more closely at that question. It’s not just idiomatic, not just an emotional outburst, but a very telling assessment of my situation.

First, the key is in the word “doing.” This was really about frustration with what I spend my time doing. Not a criticism of myself (“Who have I become?”) or my life (“What kind of life is this?”).

Second, the swearing illustrates just how acute the frustration has become.

A few weeks ago, I reached a similar point of frustration. So I got the heck out of my apartment, sat down in Barnes & Noble with pen and paper, and went back to basics. I started with my vision statement: World peace through inner peace and passion.

From that foundation, I built a plan for 2008. The actions (the Doings) in this new plan were quite different from what I typically did in my life and my business. And it excited and inspired me.

Things looked somewhat different for me for about a week. Then I slipped back into the old habitual ways of doing things, still riding the energy and excitement. But when that wore off, I found myself back where I was before that inspired Barnes & Noble planning session. Hence the frustrated exclamation:

“What the f**k am I doing?”

In that question, I see a real yearning to make conscious choices about my Doing. I want to honor that yearning, that part of me that’s calling out to be fed.

Today is Friday, the end of the week. An appropriate time to bring to a close some of those old Doings. That will be my focus today — being present to the old and the new and my relationship to each.

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