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Archive for February, 2008

I’m finding it challenging to get started working today. There are a few things I notice:

  1. The projects that are nearing completion don’t excite me. These are some of the “old” things I’ve been describing in previous posts. They are things I don’t want to be doing, and I’m phasing out. Spending time on them when I could be spending that time on the new things is frustrating. That said…
  2. The new things are exciting and scary. Because they are new, it’s difficult to gauge how long they will take, what result they will have, etc. This uncertainty leads to procrastination. Add to this…
  3. The anxiety I described yesterday about playing a bigger game. When I project the uncertainty of the bigger game far enough into the future, it’s just paralyzing.

Last night in my Mastermind Group, I was reminded of advice I’d given a few weeks ago to one of the other members. It seems appropriate for me now:

Focus on the step or task immediately in front of me, and forget about everything else. In other words, be present with what is.

Even though I know intellectually that the fear/anxiety is all future-based, there is nothing like solid practical advice to snap me out of my paralysis.

In addition, I’m going to turn on some music and create a strong intention to enjoy whatever it is I’m doing today.

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Today is the first day of the final week of these 100 Days of Peace.

I’m a little anxious about completing this experiment. And I mean anxious in the literal sense of “feeling anxiety,” not meaning eager as some people do. In fact, it’s the opposite of eager.

This experiment has been such a powerful experience for me. I don’t want it to end. I know that it doesn’t have to end, and that I’m already planning to continue beyond the first 100 days.

So what is the anxiety really about?

I got it. Wow, I sat here for a few seconds in silence, letting myself absorb that question. And here’s the answer that came…

I know it’s time for a bigger game. Whatever is coming after these first 100 days wants to be bigger. And that scares me a little. That’s definitely the source of anxiety. I can feel it in my stomach as I type these words.

As I’ve done before as a daily practice, today I will create space for this anxiety. I will allow myself to feel it as fully as it wants to be felt. And I will observe.

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Today I’ve scheduled time for both new and old. I learned my lessons from yesterday about over-scheduling.

As I work, I will consciously hold the context for each task. If it is part of the new way of Doing, I will emphasize exploration and pay attention to how that feels (excitement, inspiration, fear). If it is part of the old, I will emphasize completion and pay attention to how that feels (satisfaction, resentment).

Tonight I’m going to see some musicians perform. I’ll focus on my authenticity and watch for The Curtis Show.

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I’ve noticed that some of the new ways of doing things are paying off. And that creates an excitement in me that leads me to want to take on more new things!

I could very easily lose focus on the completion aspect of this transitional period. So I feel it will serve me to continue to focus on completion today.

I have 2 projects in mind when I talk about completion. I will make a point to focus on them every day this week, even if for just a few minutes at a time.

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I will continue the practice I began on Friday of completing some of the old ways of doing things and re-emphasizing some of the new ways — and observing how I respond to the old and the new.

Within the past several months I’ve started to acknowledge the huge power in completing things. When things are not completed, it feels to me like I’m dragging them around behind me. There’s a really energetic heaviness. And when I complete something, it’s like cutting myself free.

Now, does an ongoing project have to be a heavy thing dragging behind me? No. I think there’s a period of time when I am energized by a project I’m working on.

What I’m talking about is the kind of project that could have been completed long ago, yet for some reason (distractions, procrastination, fear) I haven’t completed it. Those are the projects that nag or drag.

In this case, I’m not talking about a project as much as I’m talking about completing a chapter in my business (the old way) and beginning a new one. I’ll benefit energetically from some closure with the old way.

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Today I’m going to a family gathering. I’ve written in a previous post comment about how I am comfortable relating to family members individually, but I don’t know how to relate well to the group as a whole.

There is a different dynamic to the group. Or more accurately, to my relationship to the group.

I will explore that dynamic today with an eye on keeping my authenticity high.

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Much of these 100 Days of Peace have been focused on peace and presence as a response to struggle and suffering.

Today, my intention is to relax. To give myself some time off. Specifically, not thinking (or more specifically, not worrying) about business and money.

I’m visiting with some friends this afternoon and evening. I will allow myself to enjoy the experience. In other words, I will be present and peaceful in the experience of relaxation.

That may sound redundant (peaceful relaxation). The point is the awareness that I will bring to the experience.

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