Day 49 (2008-04-23): The fear of eyes

Sources of inspiration: The Fear of Success by Leon Tec; Power of Now discussion group

Sounds pretty ominous, doesn’t it? The fear of EYES! Could be the name of the next Indiana Jones movie.

How about the fear of eyeballs…I love that word, “eyeballs.”

On Monday in our Power of Now discussion group, my friend Jim reminded me of a practice I used to do but stopped a while back: Making eye contact with and saying hello to everyone (yes, everyone) you pass on the street. I did this yesterday and identified it as a high-value action in my spiritual practice. So I will continue with it today.

Why is it such a powerful exercise?

Leon Tec has written about how we have a primal fear of eyes (in other words, a fear of being seen) because before we can be attacked, we must be seen. So, to a degree, we equate safety with not being seen and danger with being seen. This eye contact exercise shows us that it is, in fact, safe to be seen.

Second, when you look into someone’s eyes, you’re less likely to seem them as some label (white, black, liberal, conservative), and more likely to see them as human. There is a felt sense of commonality and kinship in the eyes, a oneness.

So this exercise helps one feel safe and connected. It is powerful, especially when you’re feeling unsafe and alone. I can say that from experience.

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Day 45 (2008-04-19): The Fear of Success, Part 3

Source of inspiration: The Fear of Success by Leon Tec

It’s becoming more and more clear to me how much my anxieties around uncertainty are related to a fear of success.

Most, if not all, of my conscious fears of failure are things that I’ve experienced before. I didn’t like them and I don’t want to experience them, but I know what they feel like. There’s not much uncertainty.

Success typically brings about change — change in how others see me, change in how I see myself, change in my life circumstances, change in my responsibilities. And lots of these success-related changes are things I have not experienced before. So there is uncertainty there. And as I’ve discussed, my tendency has been to experience uncertainty as a negative.

Today or tomorrow I intend to do some journaling about my specific fears of success to uncover some of what’s unconsciously stopping me or slowing me down.

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Day 18 (2008-03-23): Fear of success, Part 2

Source of inspiration: The Fear of Success by Leon Tec

I noticed another fear of success in response to my goal of averaging 100 registrants per month for my time management teleclass by 2009:

The fear that I might get trapped by the success. Specifically, I might get pigeon-holed as a time management coach but I think of myself as so much more.

Also, I have a lot of flexibility in my schedule now, and I like that. I’m afraid that success will mean I’ll lose that flexibility.

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Day 17 (2008-03-22): Fear of success

Source of inspiration: The Fear of Success by Leon Tec

Last night I pulled a book off my shelf that I’ve had for maybe a year or so but never read, The Fear of Success by Leon Tec. It was recommended by a colleague who I trust, more as a topic of interest than anything else. I knew that when the time was right, the book would call to me (as have others I’ve purchased far in advance of reading). And last night it did.

I think it puts this playing big / playing small idea I’ve been discussing into a psychological context that seems deeper than I’ve been understanding it to be.

A few of the basic premises in the first chapter that resonated most strongly with me:

• There are three variables of my personality that are at play here — the conscious fear of failure, the conscious wish to succeed, and the unconscious fear of success — and it is the relationship of these variables that determine how much peace or anxiety I feel as I pursue and achieve my goals.
• When my image of myself falls short of my accomplishments, the fear of success dominates the other two variables. In other words, I will be afraid of success because of the inevitable discovery by others that I am a fraud and don’t deserve it.
• I can make the fear of success conscious by asking myself, “What would be the danger/problem/discomfort if I achieved what I wanted?” And because change itself is often experienced as discomfort, an alternate question is, “What might change if I achieve what I want?”

As an exercise, I’m going to take the goal I defined yesterday and modify it to this: Averaging 100 registrants per month for my time management teleclass by 2009.

And I’m going to ask the question, “If I achieved that goal, what about my life might change, and what dangers/problems/discomforts do I anticipate?”

Already I can feel answers coming to me:

• The more people who take my class, the more likely I will be criticized or attacked for what I teach
• I won’t be able to manage all the logistics of that many people in my class
• I will have to hire someone to assist me and that means being disappointed by employees who don’t care as much as I do

I will continue to report my answers…

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