This morning I’m noticing a pull inside me between what I want to do today and what I feel I “have to” do.
Why does something feel like an obligation, a “have to”? What creates that feeling in me? Here’s what I notice:
First, there’s a prediction that there’s no joy in what I’m about to do. To me, this illustrates a lack of presence in what I’m doing. When I’m present in what I’m doing, there tends to be joy. And when there’s joy in what I’m doing, I tend to be present. When an action is all about some future result and I lose the present, it feels like a “have to” do something I don’t want to do in order to get a result that I want.
Second, there’s a lack of a feeling of enrollment or investment in the result of what I’m about to do. Sometimes it’s that I don’t believe I will get a result I want and value (“this’ll never work”). Other times it’s that I simply don’t value the result enough to warrant the effort (“why do I have to go through all this just to get that?”).
Third, there’s a perspective that I didn’t choose what I’m about to do. This can be an explicit feeling that someone else is “forcing” me to do it. They’ve ordered or asked me to do something, and I feel like I can’t say no. Or it can be an internal judgment that’s “forcing” me to do something. For example, it’s the right thing to do or it’s what experts tell me I should do.
It seems pretty straight-forward then that the way to turn a “have to” into a “want to” is to make it more enjoyable by being present in the doing, focus on why the results are important to me, and fully own my choice to do it. I will play with this recipe today.
100 Days of Peace 