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Posts Tagged ‘emotion’

Emotional state today: Up

Triumvirate complete: Sat for meditation, wrote, worked out. Stark contrast to yesterday. I felt good about things today.

Today was Workout E, seven sets each of 10 lunges and 10 burpees. I completed the full workout in 21 minutes, the same amount of time as last time. But this time it felt easier. I probably could have pushed myself to a higher level of intensity, but I was being very attentive to my knee so that there would be no pain.

I had a very intense conversation (argument?) with a friend today. What was great about this is that I usually avoid conflicts like this at all costs. And when I can’t avoid them, they make me extremely uncomfortable, to the point where I get flustered and can’t think straight. But today I was able to maintain an intensity of style without the intensity of emotion. I felt relatively detached. I still cared very much about my argument and felt it (and the relationship with my friend) was worth the intensity and energy, but I didn’t feel that my sense of self was being threatened. This is maybe the first time I’ve ever experience conflict like this.

I can’t help but think that this experience is the result of the shifts I’ve made in these 100 days.

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I noticed another benefit of this conscious embracing of uncertainty. Last night as I was laying in bed (and this morning when I woke up), I found it very natural to create a present state of wonder.

I let my eyes wash over the room — the windows, the curtains, the ceiling — noticing the landscape of light and shadow. And I felt a pure sense of “Wow…” like a water spring inside of me.

What’s so exciting about this experience is how accessible it felt.

A year or so ago, I identified four doorways into the present moment, four emotions that for me granted access to the Now: grace, gratitude, wonder, and joy. There are more doorways than that, but those seemed to be a level above the others, if that makes any sense.

Today I will take every opportunity I am conscious of to walk through the doorway of Wonder.

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