A happy convergence of two separate ideas:
First, earlier in the week I started reading Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman in which he explains learned helplessness, a condition that results when a person is in a situation where he feels like nothing he does matters.
Second, yesterday I read the New Coaching Manifesto by Milana Leshinsky in which she explains the near impossibility of creating a successful business based almost exclusively on 1-on-1 coaching.
And what I realized was that over the past year I’ve been learning to become helpless in my business by pursuing a business goal that’s almost impossible to achieve. As clear as day I saw how common it is I have this thought (or some version of it): “No matter how hard I try I’ll never be successful at this business.”
I had assumed there were many people who had succeeded at what I’m trying to do, and that I was failing at it despite the fact that I know I’m creative and resourceful. Despite the fact that I learned (when I was at college studying mathematics) that if there’s a solution to a problem, I can find it.
I’d been banging my head against the wall for so long in my business that I’d unlearned that lesson from college, and learned instead that nothing I do matters.
What I got from Leshinsky is that, not only is what I’ve been trying to do virtually impossible, but I’m doing better than most other coaches pursuing the same goal. So my feelings of failure are not rooted in actual fact. They come from a perspective of helplessness that I learned by trying to do something that (almost) can’t be done.
I’ve mentioned a couple of times that this goal is “almost” impossible. There are three cases where Leshinsky reports that coaches can be successful with 1-on-1 coaching businesses: If they serve a niche market of high-paying clients (for example, business owners spending $1000 or more per month on coaching); if they serve lots of lower paying clients (30 or more) which would require 70+ hours of work each week; if they certify or license other coaches to use their methodology (but in this case, the business has grown beyond 1-on-1 coaching to include teaching and certification).
The parameters in which I was working on my business did not allow for any of these, and that’s why I’ve learned to feel helpless: I don’t serve a market of high-paying clients (yet); I don’t define a successful business as one that requires me to work 70 hours a week; and I don’t have a clear methodology that I can license (yet).
So, now I know that my model for my business was flawed. And I feel confident that if I pursue a different model, one that’s been shown to work, I will be successful. As that new model takes shape, I’ll share the details.
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