Day 44 (2008-08-13): I quit

I don’t want to be a coach.

I’m stating this publicly because it is something I feel sometimes (including now), but I have been afraid to admit it to myself let alone other people. Even now, seconds after typing it, I feel a release.

Let me expand on my statement…

First, I love to coach. It is rare that I don’t feel energized when I coach. My clients inspire me with their dreams and heart.

When I say I don’t want to be a coach, I mean that I don’t want to go through the effort of having a coaching business. And I don’t feel that way all the time, just some of the time. Though I seem to be feeling it more acutely recently.

I think what I’m really talking about here is putting coaching on the table as an equal, right next to all of the other options and opportunities I have before me. So that if I continue to do it, it’s because I’ve truly chosen it as the best choice for me and the world.

My love of coaching weights it pretty heavily compared to the other options I can see. But perhaps my fear has blinded me to options I might love even more. Where will all this lead…?

I don’t think it’s coincidence that these feelings have intensified since I began these 100 Days of Peaceful Productivity. Shining the light of awareness on this tension between productivity in my business and a lack of peacefulness in that work has helped to make unconscious fears and suffering conscious.

What I choose to quit right now is the head-in-the-sand fear that enables my suffering.

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