There’s a 40% chance that the woman I most recently dated and I will end up in a long-term romantic relationship. How did I calculate that number?
First, I chose her. The way that she came into my life after I’d set clear intentions around meeting someone just like her convinces me that it was a choice. So I continue to choose her (more on this in a moment). That’s my half of the relationship, my 50%.
The other 50% is her choice. She chose me, too, originally — like I did, she asked for someone like me to come into her life. Recently, she chose to not have me in her life in that way. So as it stands today, her 50% is up in the air.
The other 10% I deducted because of challenges like the physical distance between us, plus the normal challenges a couple experiences in the course of a relationship. So my 50% minus the 10% gives me the 40% number. Not exactly scientifically rigorous, but it’s meaningful to me.
Now, about me continuing to choose her. I’m not saying that I literally choose HER because you can’t choose someone against her will. What I mean is that I choose who she is and what she embodies; I choose the kind of connection and love that we share. If she does not choose me, I trust that there is another woman like her who will choose me.
Is this un-romantic? The idea that she’s “replaceable”? No. What’s romantic to me is that I choose her and she has the space to choose me or not, and I don’t make her wrong for not choosing me. My love for her is not conditional on her loving me back in the same way. My love for her is as unconditional as I know how.
