Day 47 (2008-04-21): I died last night

I had a vivid dream last night. How it began has since faded, but here is how it ended:

I was in a small private jet with the pilot and two other people I did not know very well. We took off, and the man next to me asked, “What’s most important to you?”

“For lack of a better word, spirituality,” I said. “What I mean by that is my sense of self, and being at peace with it.”

Suddenly the plane began to spin out of control. I knew that there was no recovering and in moments I would be dead. What followed was a rapid series of three states of being, one right after the other — bam, bam, bam — all occurring within a second or two:

First was intense fear in the realization that I was about to die. Next was resistance expressed in the clear thought, “I want to live.” Third was a letting go as I whispered, “This is what is,” and felt a profound peace, deeper than I’ve ever experienced. Then the world went white, and I woke.

In my dream, that letting go and the deep peace that accompanied it was an awakening to my true self. In the words of Eckhart Tolle, it was the flowering of my consciousness.

Something he’s said about awakening that I feel is true as a result of this dream is that it’s not important at all how long the flowering “lasts.” What is important is that it happens. A person can awaken the moment before his or her death, and that is beautiful.

(I wonder if this is the essence behind the Christian forgiveness of sin. Maybe original sin represents the forming of our identity as separate from “God.” And the acceptance of God as savior is Christian language for an awakening in which we become conscious of our true self as not separate but the same. The sinner (the unconscious person) is forgiven (awakens/flowers).)

I don’t know what this means for me and my practice today, but it felt like it belonged in this blog.