Due to all of the driving I’ve done this weekend (and the shortened sleep I’ve gotten the past few nights), my energy feels low. I’m headed to a family dinner soon and would prefer to crawl into bed and be unconscious. 
So I’m interested in observing today how I relate to this story of having low energy, and how I relate to the people and situations I encounter from a place of feeling tired.
Update: I found myself using the low energy story as an excuse to not engage with the family dinner experience.
I’ve noticed for some time that I feel uncomfortable at family events. I thought about this last night and I think it has to do with the different relationship dynamics, at least in part. There are people in my family I am very close to, and there are people in my family that I don’t feel close to. I’m sure most people feel this way.
What I’ve noticed is that I get uncomfortable because I don’t know how to relate to the group. I can relate great one-on-one. I bond with the people I feel close to; I chat amiably with the people I don’t feel close to. I know who I am in either of those situations. I feel like I don’t know who I am in relationship to the group as a whole.
I think this feeling is influenced strongly by The Curtis Show (see Day 48). It’s not enough for me to be me, authentic and flawed. I need to be at my best. What would happen to my relationships if I was more authentic?
This is a question that I will continue to explore…
[...] 24, 2008 by Curtis G. Schmitt Today I’m going to a family gathering. I’ve written in a previous post comment about how I am comfortable relating to family members individually, but I don’t know how to [...]